I am sad. I feel like I just broke up with a girlfriend.
It’s the last day of one season. A season of perpetual employment, where paychecks came unnoticed, automatically, silently and regularly like waves of money into a bank of sand. A season of growth and challenge. A season of nearing insurmountable frustration with people and companies. People I called bosses, but in real life were nothing but people who held me accountable for numbers, hours worked a week and projects worked on. Budgets were to be worked within. I am not a number and my life is not contained within the numbers on a spreadsheet.
So I quit. Boxes in tow, I left the office hugging the people who remained inside the beige office on this warm late summer / early fall afternoon. It was an amicable parting, so “goodbyes” were peppered with “good luck” and ” see you soon.” We all knew it may be the truth as much as we knew it may be a lie we said out politeness.
And now it’s the first day of the next season. A season of unknown employment, where money will come through hard fought victories and through reaching in directions I never knew I could or would. A wholly different season of growth and challenge, where I make the day each day and hold myself solely accountable for my actions. A season of near immeasurable hope, options, opportunities and calamity. A season of unknowns. I don’t know what I will be doing. I don’t know how I will be doing it. I don’t know how it will all go and whether or not I will be back in that beige office in three months time. But I hope.
I hope a vision will form, a sign will be seen, a movement will start within myself and blossom into this thing that I have decided to put my education-derived career on hold for to see if I can grow. I hope this new season is spring. That even though the it may actually be fall on the calendar, my career, life and endeavors will be entering spring. A season of growth, life and unknown potential.
As I think about the future and the coming season, I am excited. I feel as if I am on the cusp of something new, not knowing if it is a mountain to climb or a precipice to fall into. But I am stepping into the unknown regardless of whether it is a climb up or a fall down.